“Christian Wrestling”…but not the WWE kind…
So, I’ve been keeping this journal in a word document for over 5 years now. It’s weird looking back at the way things once were, and the things I’m processing now. Even in the midst of circumstantial change, one things remains the same; Christ at the center of everything.
The following is something I wrote tonight. Mind you, when I write in my journal, my thoughts are candid, often grammatically poor, and mostly an inward look at my own heart. When I reference other people, it’s not from a place of judgment or condemnation, rather, a look at my own life, and a true call for those who claim “Christian” to search their own hearts as well (I’m constantly encouraged by the final refrain in Psalm 139).
Here we go:
…I’m really wrestling with the fact that Christianity (pursuit of Christ, holy living, discerning truth from untruth) seems to be less of a value amongst many of my peers, as well as today’s youth. It’s amazing seeing students get lit on fire for Christ, but equally as impactful, seeing students who you’d think are committed, fall along the wayside. This goes for adults too. What are we perceiving? Does God change? Do we suddenly realize that ‘it’s just not the way we thought it was?’ Or has our society completely robbed us of a proper perspective? How can someone become so prideful that they somehow replace God with their own selfish desires? As harsh as that sounds, even in it’s purest and most “innocent” form, that’s exactly what we do! Whether it’s the obvious sins of cheating on your spouse or stealing a car, to working for yourself simply to grow your own wealth, the end result is always about ME. What can I do for ME? What can I acquire for ME? What feels good to ME? What’s the use!?!
In Season 1 of the show “Heroes,” (I’m behind!) there’s this guy named Linderman who basically runs everything with money. In attempts to manipulate one of the characters, he makes a point that “one can either have a happy life or a meaningful life, but you can’t have both.” It was interesting to hear it put that way, and to some extent, I would agree. However, the biproduct of choosing one life can, in some cases, may result in the other life. Basically, if your goal is to live a happy life, simply getting more things for yourself, all while trying to make yourself comfortable till death, that’s all you’ll have; happiness with a timer on it. If you sacrifice your life for something “meaningful,” you may also sacrifice personal happiness in the process. However, when sacrificing for the good of others, not only are you doing something meaningful, but the result is true joy in your own life! That’s exactly what Jesus talked about. He wasn’t calling us to life mere happy lives. Instead, he was inviting us into REAL joy by laying our lives down for something that actually holds water.
What am I living for? Will I ever be content with the simple comforts of life? Many of these things are fine, but if they are the very thing that keeps me grounded and secure, the harsh reality is that I am not really secure at all! My entire foundation is built upon things that would burn up if I held a match to them, let alone WILL burn at the end of this earth! I need Jesus!
Oh Lord, I’m strung out on the simple pleasures of life, and I need a permanent fix of you. My heart is broken for those who don’t know you, as well as those who think they do, but really don’t. I know that you are jealous for my attention, my trust, my stress, my finances, even my own wife. Lord, help me loosen this grip I have on ME, and help me hold fast to YOU.
